That's Exquisite Pain

Now, I should know what it is like to deal with customers. I have no hesitation whatsoever to share this piece of information with you.

(Served with a hint of exaggeration - naturally.)

Let us begin:

"ONLY." "Limitless Denim."

(La Douleur Exquise, one might just say...or exclaim?..)

-Oh, madam...it says here:

-Tight
-Fit
-Low
-Waist

...since 1995

(Pardon me?? ...TUCKED,...FAT,...NO...TASTE? What's the glossy-lipped saleswoman talking about? How rude is that!? ......Though......seriously, what's going on near her mouth area?..... Is that teeny tiny tattoo supposed to be a fake beauty spot!? ........Gosh, must stop staring.

...Ok....STOP.
Seriously..... .... ... eyeballs will drop.)

-Madam, oh madam...you wish to try these on or not? Surely you do, don't you? ONLY-jeans. Tight, fit, low waist. The latest design. You care to give it a shot?

(What is this woman calling me fat for? ....and what about the "tucked with no taste"-part? I'm not the one with the fake Marilyn Monroe facelift here. And I most definitely have NOT had a tummy tuck! ......But that spot...... is right there........almost malicious-looking. ....Dear God, I can really see it now! ..If only I could lean a little bit closer..... ....... ..... Holy ****.......!!)

-Madam?..., oh GOD, madam!!? .....Here,.....may I lend you a hand?! .....Madam? Madam?? Wouldn't you be more comfortable in a chair or something? Let me get you one....... LUCY!...

(Bollocks. [or how do they say it?] ...Surely I'm no God. I'm telling you, that filly is out of her pretty little mind....[in case she happens to be in possession of one].... God, eh?.....that's practically an insult! I'm definitely not THAT old-looking.... I mean, I'm here to buy a nice new pair of hip-happening... trendy...up-to-date...."totally fab" jeans, aren't I? ......

....So what, if I accidentally stumbled on my face..........[maybe flashing my rear end a bit while plowing newly polished marble floors of her precious "boutique" [mind you: NOT a "shop" or a "store"..... - a boutique.] ......... Now wait a minute....Actually,.... FAKE marble floors!

Plus, there are cracks in the ceiling! [I can see them from where I stand...*cough*... lie]....)

-Madam? Oh madam? Do you hear me??.....You've been lieing there quite a while. .....Would you like a glass of fresh Evian? ......LUCY! Bring the lady a drop of Evian, will you! I think she's not feeling very good....

*Glancing back at her customer*

-Madam?.........Madam??.....Madam! Would you care to come out of there, please? .......Erm, I...I...I need you to come out right now. ...Madam? ....Please come to sit on this chair. ....It's our latest designer purchase....from IKEA. I'm quite convinced you'd be very comfortable here. .....Madam......?? Will you please obey?.......... LUCYYYY!?

(Seriously,.....you would be amazed what one can find from under here! .....Do these fillies that run around here ever bend their Dolce&Gabbana-covered legs [heightened by a glamorous pair of Jimmy Choos] and take a peek under here? .......Well, I guess they hire people to do that. ....Those canaries would probably end up developing severe rheumatism by crouching down like this. .........Which reminds me..... my briefs are still in view. Probably beaming right at the fake Marilyn hovering there behind me.......... Well, what the hell..... .......Besides, I can't bring myself to get a grip of what she's carping about there! .....I mean, who EVER has that kind of a voice?! ................Sounds like a hamster being tortured for the sake of top-secret political information! .....

Tortured by tickling her paws............

Then the voice is taped and - fast forwarded.
......
...
Poor little hamster.............[its fur designed by Dolce&Gabbana. ....With expensive footwear].)

(OHH! ....a dollar!! .......and a half-melted Popsicle!!! *Yummy*)

-Madam? Oh, madam??! Will you PLEASE come out of under the clothes rails!!? I may have to call the manager here if you will not obey right this minute! .................................Madam?!
..........Ohh, there you are madam! What a relief...... *a titter*.....please excuse me, it's just that....I'm soooo relieved right now. We thought you.................... But MADAM?! What on earth is it that you're sucking in your mouth?!.......Oh, dear Lord....... please, let me...... ....Oh, this is unheard of, there might be germs in that or.......or......malaria or something! Surely you'll let me help?... Here, let me take it to the garbage. I'll be back in a mere moment!

(Lord? a Lord??? ....first she's mocking my bodily figure as well as my taste, then calling me an oldie.......and the next thing I know, she's now addressing me as a MAN!? .....Well, excuse me, but I'm a lady.... L-A-D-Y! not a LORD! ..................I've never been ensulted like this in my life!.................... Besides, she obviously couldn't keep her greedy little fingers off my Popsicle! She stole it just like that - these modern day fillies have no manners and definitely no sense of what it means to provide customers with proper customer service!!! ......................Where on earth did she even skitter with my Popsicle? Is she coming back?! What about the jeans I wanted to buy!?!?............ I haven't been presented with one single pair while I've been here........ only insulted and MUGGED!
....

....

Luckily I found that dollar. That will buy me a new Popsicle in the supermarket I saw on the way over here. ......................or a pack of gum! ............ No wait! I want dried mushrooms!!! In those adorable little jars.. .....................Hmmm.........*Yum* I better go buy them right away....)

*Exiting the store. ........the Boutique.*
*Hearing the doorbell clink, the saleswoman rushes back.*

-Oh, madam.....I just tossed that colony of bacteria into the garbage. Now, if you care to pay attention I'll present you with more of our fabil-......................................... (??????) ....But where the.......... How is this...... ..............Where did she disappear!? ..............LUCY! Did you see where that wrinkly old crone went???

......Nope, neither did I! ...... .......My Gosh, did you see what she was wearing?! Looked like a tramp in that leopard-print mini-skirt!!

........haha.... yeah, totally....
........No I assume she was close to seventy.. Yeah, can you believe it!!? .................................
.........................No, but you know what the most horrible part was? .....When she stooped there under the clothes rails I could actually see her briefs under that slutty skirt - and the worst part is.....that there was this innocent little face of HELLO KITTY printed on them!!......and the text "Peek-a-boo!!!!!!"

 

*howling.....(like a tortured hamster in a frying pan)*

......I'M SCARRED FOR LIFE!!!!!